On a beautiful, hot
summer day, Jack sat on the old, crumbling brick wall in the park. He had to
finish his maths homework. A pretty girl walked by, Jack asked her to help him
with his homework.
“Yes I can.” The girl
smiles slowly “My name is Lilly”
“Hi Lilly my name is
Jack”
They start to do the
homework slowly but surely, “I like dancing” Lilly exclaims
“So do I!’
They chatted away for
hours. The time struck 9:00pm
“I have to go Jack, see
you tomorrow!”
The next day came
quickly. They met in the park and did the homework, Lilly started to say
something but Jack was too busy daydreaming about him and Lilly being together.
“JACK! Snap out of it!” Jack jumps up and starts to listens. “What do you think
of taking out relationship to the next level?”
“W-w-wait you mean
b-boyfriend?” Jack stuttered quickly.
“Yes Jack, that’s what I
mean…” Lilly then slowly kisses Jack. “Here have my number” She wrote it on a
piece of paper and passes it to Jack. “Call me…” Lilly walked briskly away
What I liked about my peice of writing is how I have used my technique. My favorite sentence is "Lilly started to say something but Jack was too busy daydreaming about him and Lilly being together" I could improve my vocabulary also my description. I love my choice of setting. I went back and improved some description too. I love my work!!
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